I am wondering if we are down to the Jr. B ranks:

A female passenger aboard United Flight 923 had Vaseline, a screw driver, matches and a note referencing Al Qaeda, according to Phil Orlandella, spokesman for Boston's Logan International Airport.

Update: OK, I understand getting "give that to Ron" and "give that to Rob" confused but how do you confuse the message to end up with what Phil said above, as this CNN.com report now says?

A federal security official said there was no indication of terrorism. The official denies reports that a woman who got into a confrontation with a flight crew was carrying suspicious items, including Vaseline, a screw driver, matches and a note referencing al-Qaeda. The female passenger aboard United Flight 923 said she was claustrophobic and became very upset and got into some kind of confrontation with the flight crew, said George Naccara, federal security director for the Transportation Security Administration for Massachusetts' airport.

Update the Second: OK - I may have it - maybe she said "I have filled my ears with Vasiline, had a few screw drivers, can't find my matches and, lemme tell you, I am not with al-Qaeda, pal."