You taught Billy Bragg to bar room shuffleboard?

Why yes I did (he says plumping with self-importance). Halifax 1988, handing around the bar he was to play that night we talked during a break in his sound check.

OK ... I'm impressed with the teaching of Billy Bragg.

The Sarah thing, for me? Yeah, a cheat, because as you say, I had access to celebrities. But none of the rest are as a result of the radio thing.

And the skiing upside down? I was scuba diving through the ice. Got under, turned myself upside-down, braced my feet against the underside of the ice ... and tugged four times on the safety line, which is the signal for "Drag me in as fast as you can". Waterskiing upside-down.

No need to explain your wizardry to me, Mr. Ling. My most impressive celebrity event really was literally walking into The Man From Uncle on the streets of London when I was but seven. Robert Vaugh had the presence of mind not to swat (or perhaps karate chop) the snotty nosed tourist boy I was then but I have been watching out for his black turtlenecked generically eastern European sidekick, Illya Kuryakin, over my shoulder ever since.

The original list has ten, so I took the liberty of thinking up a few extra. Some of them are banal. Some of them are unfair if you are competitive and a guy.

1. Been to Sarajevo when it was still pretty bombed out.

2. Touched a live buffalo.

3. Came within ten feet or so of James Brown in an international airport.

4. Lived in a remote Ojibway reservation

5. Shook Jane Siberry's hand

6. Rode in a cop tour bus to Greece with several hundred Hungarian cops.

7. Was turned back at the border of Yugoslavia by a terrifying Serbian border guard.

8. Lived in Hungary

9. Had two cesarean sections in a run down foreign hospital where you have to bring your own toilet paper.

10. Had poison ivy all over my body.

11. Owned a Mercedes Benz

12. Won an award for doing excessive charity bingos

Show off.

It was the bingos, wasn't it? I knew I shouldn't have taunted everyone with that.

Jane Siberry, actually.

I just want to know if #5 and #10 are in any way related.

I love these kinds of lists, because at their best they really speak to the fact that all of us - whatever business we're in or whatever level of success we've achieved (or however much we've screwed up, I suppose) can claim to have unique, interesting experiences that nobody else can lay claim to.

I have never touched a buffalo, nor have I touched Jane Siberry. I don't know which of your experiences you consider banal, Marian ... they're all conversation-starters to me ...

The sad thing for me is I can't include my business stuff - which is juicy but illegal to share. I am quite pleased for instance that I got to speak to Mr X and treat him like a fool on matter Y to the great pleasure of my client W. You see? It just doesn't have that same zing. Come to think of it, it also might mean different things to different former clients.

Estimated timing of the Vitamin K name?

1986 or '87 at the latest. Seahorse. Friday at 10:47 pm.

this is so much showing off. it's a matter of time until we get to the most unusal places we've had sex. it's only a matter of time until this blog becomes some sad facimile of the newlywed game if nils keeps name dropping and you tell that tired old billy bragg story one more time in your life. y'all get over yourselves. and, by the way when i met jane siberry, i said "holy fuck, you're jane siberry!", the same thing i said to stompin tom, only it was "holy fuck you're stompin tom!" you see how silly this is? you see what you made me all do. this is madness. let's move on.

and you didnt have the strawberry pie. obviously.

I said it was a repeat. I said yawn. And yes, it was strawberry. I never told you before. I didn't know how to tell you.<p>

You are right - you suggest a topic.

Herself suggested interesting coincidences would be more interesting.<p>I said, like I'm walking in the mall and an arrow enters my thigh.<p>She says, yea that kind of thing.

i wanna guess how much you weigh again.

and it must have another helen's. obviously.

That's it - it was Helenée's, that smaller shackier place at the edge of town.

i knew it.

I shall await a portland-approved topic. God forbid we should talk about anything he thinks is unworthy of his attention.

Shhhh - I still owe him that 17 dollars.

Right
My new list:

1. Been to Sarajevo when it was still pretty bombed out.

2. Touched a live buffalo.

3. Came within ten feet or so of James Brown in an international airport.

4. Lived in a remote Ojibway reservation

5. Rode in a cop tour bus to Greece with several hundred Hungarian cops.

6. Was turned back at the border of Yugoslavia by a terrifying Serbian border guard.

7. Lived in Hungary

8. Had two cesarean sections in a run down foreign hospital where you have to bring your own toilet paper.

9. Owned a Mercedes Benz

10. Won an award for doing excessive charity bingos

A clarification: the poison ivy had nothing to do with sex. I wondered for a time about how the tangent involving Paris Hilton, the mile high club etc. got started. Silly me.

Anyway, I guess you guys can't top that list. But I'll bet Ben probably has a better one.

and nils, i like your topics. just not that one.

Here's a wacky idea. It sounds like crazy talk, but it's so crazy it just might work: When you run across a topic you don't like ... don't read it. Or, you know, respond.

Eight billion pages on the frickin' internet, me son. No need to piss on other peoples' picnics.

Just sayin'.

err, nils...portland has those red shoes that he won off me in poker back in '83. My hands are tied.

no offence was intended. i apologize to nils. you gotta realize nils that this is the only place i go. i'm a shut in and i've known al a long time. and i've sworn vegengance on him for what he did to me, a blood curse. i just sit here playing my organ (oh, i'm gonna be sorry i said that!) waiting for an opportunity that will come. obviously this wasn't it. and so, i apologize to nils. i'm shutting up. how about nils? are we still pals? i mean as much as two people who have never met or talked to each other and only have a tangental knowlwdge of each other can be pals. truly, i'm looking for a fight with anybody......but al.

NOT looking for a fight. NOT! damn keyboard. i swear revenge on it too!

I buy portland treats. They never meet his expecations.

I'm pals with everybody, portland ... and yes, that includes you. I get pissy by times, but it fades fast, and I love spirited banter and take no personal offense, except for those times when I do.

And if you want to come here and visit Al and play with your organ, that's no business of mine. He seems to relish it.

it's over. whew.

A bit worried that it's showing off but what the hell.

1. Had a pint with a Rivonia trialist
2. Undergone chemotherapy
3. Had dinner in the British Ambassador's residence in Havana
4. Been a millionaire for a short period (Actually, they were Polish Zlotys and the exchange rate at the time was something like 18,000 to the pound which was therefore less than £60
5. Formed a rock band (that included the former drummer of The Trashcasn Sinatras) and played live for my 40th Birthday party.

Ha! I was a polish millionaire, too, and I have a photo somewhere to prove it. It was also all in one note!

For my edjification I had to find this passage on the <i>zuperweg infromotechnalistig</i> defining what a "Rivonia trialist" was. I am steeped in a deep ignorance, you see:<blockquote class="smalltext">After the ANC itself was banned in 1960 he joined other exiles doing military training in China, becoming, as he put it in his memoirs, "a trained and handsome soldier". Returning in October 1962, Mhlaba took over command of Umkhonto we Sizwe (MK), the ANC's armed wing, after the arrest of Mandela. The following year he was detained along with other key MK members in a security police swoop on Liliesleaf farm at Rivonia in the northern suburbs of Johannesburg. Sentenced to life imprisonment, he was sent with Mandela and the other seven <b>Rivonia trialists</b> to Robben Island, off Cape Town. In 1982 he was transferred to Pollsmoor. </blockquote>

Of course I should have known that you would have been a Zloty millionaire, given the former zapiekankie post. That means I need another one. Off the top of my head I'm going for the being photographed outside of the Jefferson Airplane's HQ in Fulton Street wearing a Killie Strip.

i'm still not interested (but i'm being nice now and not saying that) BUT i do want to know what a killie strip is. i can't even imagine.

Ha!!! Not only do I know but I bought one once.

Nope - I lie and the truth will out. It was St. Mirren. That and Google should help you, portland.

or you could just tell me. jeez mcleod.

i looked and i'm disappointed because it sounded delicious. but then he did say he was wearing it so in dont know what i expected. its late i guess.

Portland, you can see a whole lot of Killie Strips here http://www.kilmarnockfc.co.uk (Once you get past Elton John!!!)

Sorry portland. It is a Kilmarnock soccer shirt - Killie fitba jersey or strip - and Kilmarnock is the next nearest top level pro team to mithers home town.

and one of the nicer ones at that. thanks guys. i learned something today. al i think you should have a week where you just post in scottish slang and we all spend the week trying to figure out what you're on about.

I will fire up the RabbieBurns-a-lator 3000. Just be prepared to refer to everyone you know as Jimmy when the week is up.

aye jimmy.